honoria | Recent Entries

and surprising.
I found the link on idyll's tumblr
http://www.psmag.com/navigation/health-and-behavior/toast-story-latest-artisanal-food-craze-72676/
(TW mental illmess)

...sounds fun. From a recent interview:
"On a studio level, the behind the camera talent at CockyBoys is legit, and I appreciate the ways they are pushing the envelope while still managing to effectively reference traditional porn memes."
http://str8upgayporn.com/will-wikle-big-brother-nude-colby-keller-naked/ (link NSFW)

Been going through a hellish time (see past few flocked entries). Feel so fuckin' lonely here.

Getting out by Friday, if no other disaster happens. Scared something will. Scared something will happen as soon as I leave.

Current Mood: numb

These are mostly just for my reference.
Article abt. interesting game dinner:
http://dinersjournal.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/01/31/serving-otter-beaver-and-god-knows-how-many-muskrats-in-the-bronx/?_r=0
NYC Gastronauts:
http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/11/16/uk-food-gastronauts-idUSLNE7AF01K20111116
http://www.gastronauts.net/new-york/

Got to Memphis Fri aft. Mom was having bad nausea reaction to her new heart meds. Ended up in the ER. Spent my birthday hanging with her in the host. Better and home now. Watching Duck Dynasty, which she learned about on Fox News.
Roasting some carrots. Thinking about doing a white bean and kale soup. Anybody have recipes, suggestions?

You know, "16 going on 17" is a thousand times awesomer if you pretend that both parties are girls.

Current Music: live Sound of Music

but we are ALL to be feared:http://scribble-scratch.tumblr.com/post/64637227355/my-mom-just-told-me-youre-not-a-woman-until-you

This is like, the sweetest, most nurturing gangbang, sigh...http://archiveofourown.org/works/1041637

Thor 2 was awesome and everyone should see it if they can. And stay till the veryvery end, as w/Avengers.

And I said to the Red Bull, I must have them. I must have all of them, because nothing makes me happy. Except their shining, and their grace... http://drinkmasturbatecry.tumblr.com/post/65919042818/ireneqazy-scarlett-johansson-by-craig-mcdean

http://drinkmasturbatecry.tumblr.com/post/65859326699/catspeare-such-a-soothing-voice-its-kinda

Only white women have the privilege of reclaiming the word ‘slut’ without facing any real social penalty. Miley Cyrus, for instance, is being hailed as a woman who is in control and liberated, unlike her black counterpart Rihanna. Rihanna does not get worshiped for owning her sexuality or her agency. Rihanna gets pity, scathing criticism, and popular feminist magazines wanting to ‘save’ her from exercising choices they do not agree with. Many mainstream feminists feel entitled to police Rihanna’s black female body; even Lena Dunham could not resist. However, if you look closely you can see that Miley has been feverishly studying and has been influenced by the Rihanna’s bad girl playbook.
White women may also be allowed to transcend their ‘sluttiness’ when they feel the need to do so. Both Angelina Jolie and Madonna have been able to shed their past bad girl images seamlessly. Whiteness affords white women the ability to try on different identities while their racial privilege remains intact. Because in a society that values whiteness over all else, to be white is to be human and all non-white persons must audition for their humanity.
The bodies of black women are highly politicized and critiqued no matter who they belong to, from the first lady to ‘the help.’ The physical movements and choices of black women are always viewed through a filter of suspicion. In order for me to claim my right to be a ‘slut,’ I first must win the battle to be able to fully claim my humanity.
Lutze B. (@FeministGriote)
This is a quote from her exquisite essay Why I Won’t Call Myself a “Slut” on Salon. MUST READ. An important and timely examination of sexual agency through an intersectional lens.
(via gradientlair)

“hey protesters if you have an up to date android or iphone mobile device you can get an app from the aclu called ‘policetape’ and when you take video of cops committing brutality against your comrades it automatically uploads to the aclu server, which means if your phone gets confiscated the police cannot delete the evidence. might be useful for some of you.” Just saw this on Leupagus’s tumblr—app to record police interactions, originally posted by creepyseagull.
Find it here: http://www.aclu-nj.org/yourrights/the-app-place/
I don’t have a smartphone, but spreading the word.

In other news, momentary reprieve in the form of cleaning out an old forgotten Roth IRA from the 90s. Had very little in it (put in $ when I set it up, never able to add to after that). Can now catch up on rent, buy meds, pay latest NJ tax bill.
Still need to wait on fixing computer, which keeps crashing. Freelance client still not coughed up 3 past checks, and roomie rent promised to appear by the 26^th via his boss (roomie out of town for weeks on a job assignment; until a couple of days ago, feared he was gonna vanish and bail out on the rent, sorta like what happened w/2010-11 evil roomie, but he called me and promised both his continued residence and the current rent. whew).
So horrible panic has abated for now. Still a fuckton of stress, but a little les afraid to leave the house—went to the grocery store y’day. So tired.

Current Mood: getting a cold maybe?

"[commenter talks about eventually ending a relationship with a gaslighter] I didn’t even realize it had happened until after the relationship was long over and I realized I had somewhere developed all these new insecurities that I didn’t have 4 or 5 years ago." HOLY SHIT OMG: the toy store. I have realized how over the last few years I have lost my spine, my confidence, my self-image...I deal with everything from a place of such fear and shame and loneliness. Sounds ridiculous when I write it out here, but I was there for 8 years, and I came out very different in certain ways than how I came in. It sounds silly; it was just a job, right? But i embraced and identified with it, and when it was going well for the first few years (how many of those years were actually good, I wonder now, but I can't tell), it gave me confidence in myself and my abilities, and sometimes it was the one thing I could point to that I was good at, was doing right, was doing AT ALL sometimes. It was one of the only outside-world safe places for me. And then it changed, in fits and starts, and ground me down, and as I said to a good, good friend there, I had to leave while I still had any of my self left. Okay, I think I need to get up and go outside now.

'I can really relate to the “permission” thing. When I am depressed, I desperately want to please everyone, because I feel like such a burden and a downer and a waste of space in general. The last thing I want to do is “be a problem” by worrying people, and the more I would try to please them by being normal and happy, the more frustrated they would become (of course). Then, I would internally freak out because here I was, trying not to be a Drama Queen and they were “getting mad at me for Being An Issue” anyway. It relates to this whole theme of “self-loathing becoming a vicious circle and self-fulfilling prophecy” thing really well.' http://captainawkward.com/2012/05/08/241-am-i-my-extremely-difficult-sisters-keeper/ OMGyes this is how I've been feeling w/regard to all the shit I've been living in lately, plus add shame over it's-all-my-fault-ANYWAY.

"Sometimes," he says, soft and deliberate, "you need time, and quiet space, and silence. Someone is

coming. It might be you."

"The next show is a commercial-free three hours of iced tea being stirred, and Carlos

listens to it absent-mindedly for a few minutes before taking his earphones out." ETA: http://archiveofourown.org/works/1004209

http://therealallecto.tumblr.com/post/63781813301/but-really-though-i-want-a-derek-lydia-fic-where In other news, everything still shit, but I smiled when I saw this so that's something good.

Ugh. Working hard at not freaking out cos brokesobroke. With all the family travel this summer, did not work nearly as much as I should have. Dealt w/stress by comfort eating a lot of takeout food and slipping back into smoking ... being bad to my body while spending when I shouldnt've been. Dammit. Bank accounts drained, credit card @ max, $500 behind on this month's rent; I'm rationing my meds (not a good idea, get it together, dammit); borrowed $ from a friend for a metrocard to get to and from rehearsals (I'm in a show--only good thing going on). One freelance check has apparently gone missing or maybe never arrived--been tearing the apt apart looking for it. Next check after should've come this week (planning to use for meds + ConEd + cable/phone/net), not here yet. Afraid to call accounts people at publishing co. (just usual phone fear, nothing new or exciting). My laundry quarters added up to $15, so I could restock on some food. Been nerving myself up to call brother and ask for a loan, if only to get the rent caught up. Ugh. Need to calm down. Go back to editing sudoku book and its soothing chains of numbers .... Dammit, "enter" key still doesn't work on lj for me (computer also dying--making do till xmas--fingers crossed for me!). Oh well, here's a link a found via my flist (not sure who--kinda scatty-brained this am): http://coldantlerfarm.blogspot.com/2013/10/silly-rituals-strong-hearts.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2FnqcCB+%28coldantlerfarm%29&utm_content=LiveJournal

It's hard for me to articulate how much this means to means to me, and how much I love it . . .1984, live performance, "For the Longest Time": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1nR0dkiHEW8 That was the summer I had moved from Houston to Memphis (for me, a much better place), and I bought Billy Joel's An Innocent Man (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/An_Innocent_Man). One of the first (non-Elvis) albums I had ever bought with my own money was Glass Houses, in 1980 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glass_Houses). I was already a huge fan--my brother J had taped The Stranger (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Stranger_(album) for me off his vinyl, and I loved it so much . . . Oooh, I found a live recording in Philly from '98--lots of fun riffing, includin a bit of "Loco-motion," and then arnd 5:45 they bust out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ye6tIKDFU80 . . .

Current Mood: sweet
Current Music: well, you know . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9u1GbX-PfJw

Current Mood: i swear i love you all
Current Music: The Beautiful South

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My husband? I thought he was your husband!

Recent Entries

this is very lovely

Wil Wikle

"Is anybody alive out there?"

just some links

thotses

because not all women menstruate...

rec to jour (Sterek)

PSA

(no subject)

drive-by repost

from elizardbits's exquisite drinkmasturbatecry.tumblr.com

(no subject)

from a different CapAwk column

was cruising an old CaptainAwkward column and found this comment

PS

ah, lovely

heh. good au.

panicnotpanic

I would love for y'all to hear this . . .

okay, this will only be relevent to 43-48-yr-olds